Saturday, October 17, 2009

WTF Kal? Martina got your tongue?

Just like Judge Smails said in Caddyshack...
"Well, ...we're waiting!"

Take your time, Kal. Meanwhile, we'll just stand around looking pretty.


SquonkOmatic said...

Remember that according to a press release from early in the month Colonel Kalvin K. Korff and his production crew are on a tour of Eastern Europe (where he already lives) and Asia that will be complete with video production on the road. Kalvin has been logging into his YouTube SecretXWars channel pretty much every day to no doubt monitor the festival of fawning public affirmation that is his haircut videos. Every new view is proof that Kalvin is whom he claims to be, a Jew who happens to be a counter-terrorism analyst, nanotechnology expert, walking one man Apple authorized retail outlet and inventor of the Salad Shooter.

But any dope can get a wifi equipped MacBook these days so he probably didn't just exaggerate on how they'd gone out for Chinese one night and turned that into a SAPSTOE tour of Asia. Sort of a working vacation where they expose the dark secrets of the Orient while maybe buying up lots of cheap bootlegged Apple products to take home and re-sell and retail shelf value to unsuspecting Czech buyers. Happens all the time, just like that Swiss Navy watch and pen knife set I bought in the alleyway across from Penn Station for $10.

He is lying of course and something else is going on to account for his absence from the web. The words "Extradition Hearing" come to mind. I was also thinking the other day that since Stolen Valor applies to individuals pretending to be former US military personnel maybe Kalvin is engaged in Borrowing Valor from the Israelis with his little SAPSTOE trick-or-treat costume resplendent with those Colonel's wings pinned on sideways, which remains one of the internet's biggest laughs. Keep 'em coming, Kalvin!

Anonymous said...

Love Caddyshack. Top 10 for sure.


Anonymous said...

I find it amusing that after many starts and restarts, Dummies site is still slow, bloated and incomplete.

With nearly 80 "widgets" on his site, only 8 work?

He's still using templates to make the site and he's still using (the majority anyway)images in the .png format instead of the .gif or .jpeg format.

The .png format never really took off because it takes so fucking long to to load them into the browser.

In any case, I was going to audit his site and list out the failed "self imposed" deadlines he set upon himself over the last few months; a ufo newsletter - magazine, writing for that non existent publication, etc.

Why? What's the point.

Have fun on your "field trip" Korff.

Maybe you should stop off at a pot friendly country and part take in a little herb. I hear it can restart those creative jiuces.

You fuck.


Anonymous said...

What a f'ing moron.

Anonymous said...

Great posts all, esp. Squonk & FN.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes an extradition hearing would explain that "Czech Brothers" posting. Kal expertly tries to distance himself from ignorant, non-traveled Americans (Kal "I have a passport!" Korff) while ingratiating himself with effusive praise of Czech Culture and intellect.

Of course, this kind of praise will go very far if in consequence the small matter of "F-U, Bartu" comes up. I hope it does someday.

SquonkOmatic said...

I am wondering how long it takes before the TRUTH is made known that nanocomponent equipped SAPSTOE operatives from YS3 were the ones to finally get the idiot Balloon Boy family to crack & confess to having LIED and SLANDERED with their LYING SLANDEROUS HOAX. Only the brilliance of Herr Oberkolon el Korff could have brought them to justice!!

Anonymous said...

This is a better class of blog. Well done, Kult.

Paul Kimball said...

In his latest, Kal, with his extensive knowledge of American history, bemoans the fact that only two parties have ever held power in the United States. Hmm...

The Federalist Party controlled the government until 1801.

The Democratic-Republican Party was the dominamt party from 1800 until 1824, when it split. It included Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, and James Madison. When it broke, part became the Democratic Party, and the other part the Whig Party.

This doesn't begin to take account the parties and individuals who have exercised influence and power at the federal and state levels not affiliated with either of the two current parties.

The Whig Party was prominent in the 1800s and counted among its members such national political luminaries as Daniel Webster, William Henry Harrison, Millard Fillmore, Zachary Taylor, all of whom served as President, and their preeminent leader, Henry Clay of Kentucky.

And of course there was Washington, who did not belong to any party.

I know this, and I'm a Canadian. Poor Korff.

Anonymous said...

Kal is more than likely hiding out from the Foreign Police.

F1 Racer

Anonymous said...

What a very stupid man you are, "Colonel".

I am growing impatient for "Worlds Away", I must say. When is it to be released?

Anonymous said...

From Kal's website today:

"Dear Mr. Dewz,

Please REMOVE IMMEDIATELY your LIE from your YouTube page that I am a "Secret Agent" — I have NEVER made such a "claim" and since I NEVER did, this means YOU made it up. You did not cite any SOURCE for your false claim and libel and slander, and if you did that "source" would be WRONG!"

(search kal k korff)

'Kal K. Korff - Agent, CIA'

You're right Kal, someone is lying!


Anonymous said...

Hey Kal,

That guy doesn't have to remove the phrase and or statement from his youtube channel.

The term "secret agent" is not slander, or anything else.

Just as I can call you, lets see, truthfully challanged, there's nothing you can do.

Grow some balls Kal, follow through with all of your hollow promises, or just go away...

No, please stay the course.


Anonymous said...

Ha! This found on www.zoom....

By Korff's own admission, CIA + agent = secret agent:


Just like Korff stating that he never called himself a Director. And yet, a couple of his youtube channels, which Korff set up, are Director Channels.

Again, by your own words Korff.

You say you’re a Kernel for an agency with Secret in its title. As an agent (not like 007 Kal) acting in accordance to their "regulations..." you're an agent in a secret whatever it is.

Follow along; this is based on your information Korff:

You are an agent for a secret agency.

Tubby little Moron.

Lastly, it's gotta hurt Korff to type his name in Google, hit the image button and see what comes up.

That alone makes our work, worth it.


Anonymous said...

Even more Klassic Korff:


squonkOmatic said...

Looks like while he's busy touring Eastern Europe (where he already lives) and Asia Kalvin K. Korff has had plenty of idle time to spend on YouTube just schlubbing around. His new favorite YouTube activity is favoriting videos, and as proof that he's been reading this blog as well he's making sure that they are other people's videos. His new favorite is of James Randi showing viewers how psychic powers can be faked, and it has 236,956 views to date.

THAT, Kalvin, is a successful YouTube video by a public personality with a respectable hit count.

squonk0matic said...

Just a quick note on my way into work here: The Exposing Online Predators and Cyberpaths blog has re-added KALVIN KORFF to their "Victims of Cyberpaths Speak Out" section, with a link back to the good old KIAA blog.

Kalvin's working vacation to Eastern Europe (where he already lives) and Asia continues to be something of a bore, I guess, since he's found time to add more rip-roaring fun videos to his favorites list, and at last count had logged in just yesterday to view his haircut videos hit count and presumably engage in manual auto-erotic self stimulation to the prospect of so much public adulation, affirmation, and praise.

Meanwhile, the video of the kitten fighting the wind coming out of the little fan continues to outclass Kalvin's entire views stats for every video he has ever posted combined, multiplied by a favor of roughly 10,000. Keep up the great work, Kalvin!

Anonymous said...

Found on the Cyber site. Sound familiar?


F U Bartu!

Korff, lozer.


Anonymous said...

Part 2 of "Dating a Sociopath" (link from

It's Kalvin, isn't it?

Brad Hudson said...

Anybody seen Kal's latest??

I don't even know where to start quantifying the lies in this one...

I'd say he's reached a new low, but he'll only top in a week or 2.

Carry on Korffin'

Brad Hudson
Dallas, TX

Anonymous said...

>>> Korff: My next book is all about sex. I won't reveal more now, because I can't, but it is about sex and has been a project in development for many years. <<<

What does a virgin know about sex, except what he's seen in porn’s!!! LOL!

RMIII was never wrong Fuck-o. He told you that your brother was guilty and that we wouldn't win his case. He was (and is), and he didn't... thanks to you and the TRUTH! LOL! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Nanobot's traded for secrets and bodies.

Prove it you stupid fucker.

Oh my, what fairy tales we weave.

Fuck wad.


Anonymous said...

I agree, this last piece of b.s. from Kal is pretty bad. Hot air, obligatory David Beidny mention, weird and idiotic/adolescent phrases like "shituations" -- what a nutbag

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