Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Kal Gets Buzzed ...Again?

Kal recently reposted his 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Well, basically all but shaved off.
It was just last night: "Last Updated on Monday, 05 October 2009 21:18 "

This is pathetically funny for a number of reasons:
  1. Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Come on, Kal.
  2. Kal's buddy & S3 adjunct Avimi (Avim for short) is manning the camera.
  3. After nearly a DECADE in Prague, Kal is unwilling or unable to utter the most basic Czech.
  4. Kal translates 30,000 views of this video as... fame.
  5. Again, Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut.

You hear a lot of Avimi and see snippets of him in the mirror. Definitely the same guy as in the "cannonball" video (see latter half of Kult video 2)

I'm not sure what else to say about this loser. He's speaking for himself, as in "actions speak louder than words."


Anonymous said...

As I remarked at the time, the cameraman is a native Czech speaker. He is not an Armenian jew. Please see here for a look at what I am talking about: http://kalisanidiot.blogspot.com/2008/09/comrade-kal-and-his-youtubecom-message.html?showComment=1221850620000

You're a lying piece of shit, "Colonel". You are filth.

Anonymous said...

When Kal does use a czech word, he slaughters it. Remember the "Orly"?!

Squonkamatic said...

Kalvin is either too stupid to realize or too full of himself to admit that the 28,213 views of his original haircut video are not people looking for Kalvin K. Korff. They are looking for videos of people getting haircuts. Which just like retarded cat tricks, exploding Coke bottles using bleach + nail polish remover, Ozzy music videos, high school kids picking locks and videos showing how to change the ink toner on your laserprinter happen to be the real reasons WHY people use YouTube in the first place. He is mistaking common curiosity with affirmation/praise, which is a common facet of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Kalvin hasn't gained a following from these people as evidenced by the fact that the same viewership is not carried over to his SAPSTOE video tirades. And that is the real reason why he double posted the tapes to his SecretXwars YouTube account: He is expecting that the 28,214 people who watched him getting a haircut are going to stop back again for more, failing to realize that once you know how to change the toner in your laserprinter you don't need to learn the lesson again.

It just so happens that videos of people getting haircuts are big on YouTube, you know go figure. There are a lot of things on YouTube that are big and defy explanation, most of them involving girls without much clothing on and Kalvin just got lucky by picking a video post that others are intrigued by. But I dare say they are NOT intrigued by Kalvin Korff, since they haven't bothered searching his name, and the viewership has not carried over to his standard fare.

In fact, the haircut must have been something of a let-down for about 16,000 of those viewers since only 12,404 of them tuned in for part two. That's about a 60% drop in interest between the two parts, and yet he is still crowing about it as if 30,000 views since November 2007 on YouTube is some kind of a milestone. There are dumb cat videos that have 900,000 views since the end of April this year, my favorite being the kitty who tries to get into a a fight with a fan --


Further proof that Kal K. Korff is still an idiot, just doesn't get it, and never will.

Anonymous said...

Lovely post again, Squonk. I'd be interested to know when and how the "Colonel" first crossed your radar.

Anonymous said...

KoK - If by "Cannonball", you mean that odd thing Kalvin did with those two participants in the Gumball rally across Europe, Martina and "Avim", then I beg to differ. I think the cameraman shooting the haircut video was a young Czech guy (late teens, early 20s?); whereas the outdoor "Avim" is an older guy who does look jewish.

Anonymous said...

Nope - Avim is both behind the camera in the haircut scene and stands "in the middle" of the English rally driver scene, to the best of my Korffing abilities. He is also the camera man for Kal's Korner cooks an american style dinner for 7 czech ladies.

Squonkamatic said...

I first became aware of Kalvin K. Korff when he did "Encounters" back in 1994 when he debated Jim Dilettoso. I used a recording of the segment in an installation piece in 1995 that was about humans encountering the unknown and packaging it as pop culture ... The first part of which is now eerily similar to what Kalvin says is the "PhD Thesis" that he claims to be working on (and was only first mentioned after I had described the project on the KIAI message boards: even at 48 years of age Kalvin is incapable of coming up with his own ideas).

Last spring (2008) I was going through boxes and found the master of the tape I used in the 1995 installation and watched it out of sheer boredom. It make me wonder what had become of the Roswell thing which got me to look up Kevin Randle, who had just handed Kalvin Korff his lunch on a blog posting responding to Kalvin's ridicule of Kevin's service in Iraq. It all came flooding back to me and I did more websearching for Kalvin K. Korff, which led me first to YouTube and then to the KIAI board.

What's most amusing is that Kalvin actually managed to win that "Encounters" debate by keeping his big fucking mouth shut for a change. The Meier "evidence" that was shown was ridiculous, as is all of the Meier "evidence", and Kalvin was effective in letting it not speak for itself. What's utterly creepy, however, is that the language and methods Kalvin employed -- including referring to co-workers whom Jim Dilettoso tried to argue didn't really exist -- are exactly the same as he uses now. Twenty five years later and he has not evolved, grown, or changed.

That is because Kalvin K. Korff is a psychopath, a confidence huckster, and a complete fucking idiot who actually thinks he is a Kidon Unit Commander. He's a fuckwit and a fucking maniac who can't spell, is a sniveling pathological liar, a web stalking cyberpath, and almost surely still a virgin at the age of 48.

Anonymous said...

Was just remarking to my girlfriend the other night about Thanksgiving plans just around the corner or "korner", and reading Squonk's post I realized that if Paul Kimball's timetable is correct, "Worlds Away" will be released next month. We might be looking at the Dec 23 2012 of Korffing when time travellers from the future appear, a paradigm shift occurs, Kurtis Korff sues his own brother, Pynchon sits down with Katie Couric, the "Orly" or astronomical clock turns into a UFO and streaks into space, levitation becomes possible, antimatter destroys a lab in Siberia, and all hell breaks loose in the world of Korffing. Kal is promoted to General on the publishing of his million word 6 volumes treatise on how to save mankind published by Prometheus Press.

Or, it will just give new insight to the subject of this blog for us to Korff away at.

Anonymous said...

Kal sinks to a new low!

F1 Racer
still waitin for the cops

We.Are.Kult.Of.Kal said...

I just don't get the guy. What a loser.
He reposted his "Kal Gets Buzzed" videos.


First, he brags about how popular they are. And what was it..30,000 people had watched it. As Squonk pointed out, this barely tugs the bootstraps of other YouTube "greats" such as funny animal videos (though, the general category is roughly the same).

Still, despite his bragging, he pulls them and reposts them. Effectively just to reset the counter. Why? Only thing that makes sense (or Kal-sense) is this is Kal's fix-it plan after Squonk also noted how fewer than half of the idiots who stumbled upon Part 1 even bothered to be entertained by Part 2.

Kal - a man of mystery indeed. Chubby little man of mystery.

On a sidenote, I was in the Andel area in Smichov recently (for non-Praguers, that's the southwest area of city where Kal's usually spotted and likely living). I'm in that neighborhood almost never, since I rarely bother with Andel mall and I live in Letna (north area of Prague). Still, while in Andel, I had this constant chill shooting up in neck, like there was a undead near me, a zombie. I was too frightened to look around since I wouldn't be able to control myself should 'he' appear.

Someday, mind yourself Kal, if we ever ran across you.

Anonymous said...

Because of what you did to Mr Sedlacek (one of the finest men I have ever met), I wholeheartedly second that emotion.

If I ever get my hands on you, Korff....

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Kult and Jimmy D, but that's threatening physical violence, like David Biedny. So you mustn't do that to the Kidon Unit Special Secret Commander. No, you should cyberstalk and aspire to take advantage of unsuspecting Czech people, hell you might as well praise Sedlacek for his work with the handicapped, videotape yourself signing a contract claiming yourself as the new CIO of Sedlacek's company, then stick him with the invoice for one mac book and assorted Ipods purchased by your own mother in Oregon. Because that's a win-win situation for consumers.

F-U Bartu indeed.

Exile is a punishment worse than death. Guess what, Kal, the country you love so much YOU CAN NEVER RETURN.

Squonkamatic said...

His repost statistics are even worse. As of today (10/11/09) the numbers are:

Kal Korff "Gets Buzzed" - Part 1

Kal Korff Gets Buzzed - Part 2

Which means that only roughly one in four viewers of Part 1 are going on to marvel at the glory that is Part 2. Naturally my posting of these statistics is an indication of my hatred and intolerance of others. But it does hazard to raise the question of why Kal's viewership falls off so dramatically.

Now if Kalvin had been consolidating his various YouTube channels -- most of us have been able to make do with 1, Kalvin felt ENTITLED (entitlement is a common attribute of malignant narcissism) to establish at least 3 in his own name(s) and one more suspected as a sock identity -- but Kalvin's original KalsKorner channel post is still very much here.

He's actually competing with himself for viewers, which means that the re-post is siphoning off viewers from the original while the original siphons off viewers from the repost. Like, dahhh?

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