Friday, February 19, 2010

Bottom of the 9th, 2 Outs, 2 Strikes...

If you're counting (and I am), Kal has two strikes.

Don't worry, I'll explain which baseball game Kal's losing this time. The game I'm talking about is "Let's Find Out Who's Impersonating Me!"

Strike One was 27 December. Kal points his sausage finger at respected Korffer David Biedny.
Not just points his finger, but accuses Biedny of being behind the fake Facebook page, then reports him to the police!!!

After a few days of threatening David, Kal realized his foolishness. Kal removed the accusation from his site (the above was from Google cache). If you don't remember, there's plenty of Google cache, plus someone copy/pasted his 'press release' into these KoK comments.

Strike Two was just yesterday. Kal now accuses respected Korffer JimmyD as his Suspect #1:

This also is wrong. I know, because I know I am not JimmyD. Take my word for it, Kal.

What's Next, Kal?

On 27 December (see black screen above), Kal gives 2 facts:
  • Kal will never have a Facebook page. ----------- Does he now? Yes!
  • Kal will publish the identify of "Kult of Kal." ---- Did he? No!

Kal, really, stop guessing.
You didn't recognize me at the tram stop.
You don't know me.
I'm just another guy ... another non-fan. (You have many.)

Kal -- Batter Up!!!

(oooooh, I'm getting bold, aren't I?)

p.s. This is my favorite post in a loooooong time.

-kult of kal

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Celebrity Spotted. No, wait. It's Just Kal.

I'll write this as Kal would- as an interview. Enjoy.

KoK: "Yes, it's true. I did see Kal Korff on the street."

Interviewer: "Wow, that must have been pretty fucking exciting for you!!"

KoK: "Um, I said it was Kal Korff."

Interviewer: "Okay, right. Sorry. Rewind the tape. Let's start again."


Interviewer: "So, sir, tell us about your recent encounter."

KoK: "Well, I bumped into Kal Korff on the street yesterday afternoon."

Interviewer: "Interesting. Tell us more."

KoK: Well, it was around 3:30pm. I had an appointment in Prague 2 (a district of Prague). I came out of I.P. Pavlova metro, walked over to catch the next tram one stop to Namesti Miru. While at the tram stop, I found myself staring at this guy. It hits me - that's Kal Korff."

Interviewer: "And how did you feel?"

KoK: "Kind of dirty, kind of like I was staring at a traffic accident."

Interviewer: "Come now, be nice. How did Kal look to you? What was he wearing?"

KoK: "He's taller than I would have expected, maybe 5' 8" at best. Had on some beatup black & white sneakers, a rather drab purple winter coat. I did note it was especially purple for a man to wear, but that doesn't matter much to me."

Interviewer: "Anything else to tell?"

KoK: "Well, being my first time seeing him up close - I didn't dare get closer than 10 feet - he didn't look well. Maybe he's ill these days, who knows. His face looked haggard and worried. His eyes darted around like he was half-expecting someone to surprise him. To be honest, I felt a sense of embarrassment for him, like you do when you stare at a homeless guy."

Interviewer: "Was he carrying anything?"

KoK: "Oh yes. He had with him a bag of bread. That also reminded me of a homeless guy since it's common here for broke people to just eat bread rolls."

Interviewer: "So, did you follow him?"

KoK: "Well, not on purpose, but we both got on the next tram that came. It was the number 4. As I said, I went only as far as Namesti Miru. Kal continued on, down Francouzsk√° street. Who knows where he went. And who cares really."

Interviewer: "Well...thanks, I guess."

Monday, February 1, 2010

Kal Korff - a Haiku for You

I grow tired.

I grow oh so tired of Kal's endless, worthless ranting. That fat fuck drones on and on, promising everything, offering nothing, offending everyone. Does he ever stop? Can he stop?

I decided to be creative today. I wrote a couple haikus about Kal. A haiku uses 5-7-5 syllables for you non-Japanese poetry guys. (it's supposed to be trendy fun for us westerners, hahaha)

Here goes....

Banal and facile
Kal Korff, a fat waste of space
See that pug nosed face

Easy right? Let's try again...

Full of promises
UFOs, Kennedy shows
Kal Korff is a bore

Yea, this is fun. One more time...

Kurtis in jail, check
Father, mother deadbeats, check
Kal Korff makes them proud

And the encore...

We are watching, Kal
Korffers of the world, unite
Do not try to hide

Feel free to submit your own haiku in the comments. Remember the 5-7-5 rule.

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