KIAI Is Back!!!!!

The AC/DC song ringing in my head - "Back in Black"



After a 8 month hiatus, the Kal Is An Idiot blog lives AGAIN!!!

The Motherland calls you - let's go back to our roots.
His latest post: http://kalisanidiot.blogspot.com/2010/03/kal-keeps-laughs-rolling-on.html

Oh, I wouldn't want to be Kal Korff...things just continue to get really bad for him.
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bottom of the 9th, 2 Outs, 2 Strikes...

If you're counting (and I am), Kal has two strikes.

Don't worry, I'll explain which baseball game Kal's losing this time. The game I'm talking about is "Let's Find Out Who's Impersonating Me!"


Strike One was 27 December. Kal points his sausage finger at respected Korffer David Biedny.
Not just points his finger, but accuses Biedny of being behind the fake Facebook page, then reports him to the police!!!



After a few days of threatening David, Kal realized his foolishness. Kal removed the accusation from his site (the above was from Google cache). If you don't remember, there's plenty of Google cache, plus someone copy/pasted his 'press release' into these KoK comments.


Strike Two was just yesterday. Kal now accuses respected Korffer JimmyD as his Suspect #1:

This also is wrong. I know, because I know I am not JimmyD. Take my word for it, Kal.

What's Next, Kal?


On 27 December (see black screen above), Kal gives 2 facts:

• Kal will never have a Facebook page. ----------- Does he now? Yes!
• Kal will publish the identify of "Kult of Kal." ---- Did he? No!

Kal, really, stop guessing.
You didn't recognize me at the tram stop.
You don't know me.
I'm just another guy ... another non-fan. (You have many.)

Kal -- Batter Up!!!

(oooooh, I'm getting bold, aren't I?)

p.s. This is my favorite post in a loooooong time.

-kult of kal

Celebrity Spotted. No, wait. It's Just Kal.

I'll write this as Kal would- as an interview. Enjoy.

KoK: "Yes, it's true. I did see Kal Korff on the street."

Interviewer: "Wow, that must have been pretty fucking exciting for you!!"

KoK: "Um, I said it was Kal Korff."

Interviewer: "Okay, right. Sorry. Rewind the tape. Let's start again."

------------------------------------------



Interviewer: "So, sir, tell us about your recent encounter."

KoK: "Well, I bumped into Kal Korff on the street yesterday afternoon."

Interviewer: "Interesting. Tell us more."

KoK: Well, it was around 3:30pm. I had an appointment in Prague 2 (a district of Prague). I came out of I.P. Pavlova metro, walked over to catch the next tram one stop to Namesti Miru. While at the tram stop, I found myself staring at this guy. It hits me - that's Kal Korff."

Interviewer: "And how did you feel?"

KoK: "Kind of dirty, kind of like I was staring at a traffic accident."

Interviewer: "Come now, be nice. How did Kal look to you? What was he wearing?"

KoK: "He's taller than I would have expected, maybe 5' 8" at best. Had on some beatup black & white sneakers, a rather drab purple winter coat. I did note it was especially purple for a man to wear, but that doesn't matter much to me."

Interviewer: "Anything else to tell?"

KoK: "Well, being my first time seeing him up close - I didn't dare get closer than 10 feet - he didn't look well. Maybe he's ill these days, who knows. His face looked haggard and worried. His eyes darted around like he was half-expecting someone to surprise him. To be honest, I felt a sense of embarrassment for him, like you do when you stare at a homeless guy."

Interviewer: "Was he carrying anything?"

KoK: "Oh yes. He had with him a bag of bread. That also reminded me of a homeless guy since it's common here for broke people to just eat bread rolls."

Interviewer: "So, did you follow him?"

KoK: "Well, not on purpose, but we both got on the next tram that came. It was the number 4. As I said, I went only as far as Namesti Miru. Kal continued on, down Francouzská street. Who knows where he went. And who cares really."

Interviewer: "Well...thanks, I guess."

Kal Korff - a Haiku for You

I grow tired.

I grow oh so tired of Kal's endless, worthless ranting. That fat fuck drones on and on, promising everything, offering nothing, offending everyone. Does he ever stop? Can he stop?



I decided to be creative today. I wrote a couple haikus about Kal. A haiku uses 5-7-5 syllables for you non-Japanese poetry guys. (it's supposed to be trendy fun for us westerners, hahaha)

Here goes....

Banal and facile
Kal Korff, a fat waste of space
See that pug nosed face

Easy right? Let's try again...

Full of promises
UFOs, Kennedy shows
Kal Korff is a bore

Yea, this is fun. One more time...

Kurtis in jail, check
Father, mother deadbeats, check
Kal Korff makes them proud

And the encore...

We are watching, Kal
Korffers of the world, unite
Do not try to hide

Feel free to submit your own haiku in the comments. Remember the 5-7-5 rule.

Kal Korff aligns himself with chronic sex offender.

Here are the facts:

--> Scott Ritter is a sexual deviant with a prior history (New York Post reported Ritter "caught in a similar case involving a 14-year-old girl in April 2001, but that he was not charged")

--> Kal Korff set up a secret meeting with Scott Ritter (self-admittedly with a hidden camera). Kal's own published proof here.

--> Scott Ritter was recently again arrested for masturbating to (whom he believed was) a 15-year old girl.



Because Ritter's most recent sexual offense arrest has become a hugely public affair, we hope Korff will stop any planned future meetings with Ritter. Or at least not secretly photograph them.


You just can't make this stuff up. This is Kal Korff, folks.

By the way, if you want to read the affidavit for Ritter arrest, right-click here to download the PDF.

Kal Korff on Facebook

We got word that Kal has legitimately signed up on Facebook.
However, if you use Google to search for Kal Korff on Facebook, you get: www.facebook.com/people/Kal-Korff/1846973412

I just wanted to share that.


F1 Racer (good to see you back; sorry to hear of your uncle's health)

p.s. Of course, the above Facebook link is my old (Kult of Kal) Kal Facebook link, the defunct link. And now that I've posted this again ... I created just one more 'backlink' for Google to find and solidify the bad result.
So, anyone searching for Kal will more likely find this KoK blog than his legit Facebook site.

Damn, I love this stuff. heehee

Success!!!

For the first time in recent memory (perhaps first in history?), Kal tasted sweet success. The Facebook page for Kal was removed and the account disabled.

Wow. I, for one, am proud of Kal. Good for him. I think we should all applaud Kal for actually taking some action of any sort.

Here is what Kal reports it on his website:

Dear World,

Facebook has REMOVED the bogus "Kal Korff" page which was created by a person who WILL BE NAMED PUBLICLY after this individual is INDICTED and formally charged and ARRESTED by the police.

I would like to THANK Facebook for acting responsibly, and considering the holidays, in a timely manner.

Facebook AGREES that this individual engages in hatred, anti-Semitism, (Kal Korff is Jewish) and now an attempt to get an additional charge, tacking on an added hate crime penalty is being pursued.

There will be no further discussion of this incident until AFTER the person is indicted and ARRESTED. Once this happens, the individual's photo, work details and home address and other information WILL be published and released to the general public.

Let this be a "lesson" to every individual (especially my "kritics") WHO MAKE A POINT TO HATE.

We PROMISE YOU that more individuals WIL BE EXPOSED, and legally and criminally held accountable.

We are now contacting the employer of yet another such person, it is safe to say this individual WILL BE FIRED shortly.

I agree with taking the Facebook down. It was wrong in its format.

As for the threat of arresting & prosecution/persecution, I already contacted my attorney. I sent him the set of public documents from Kurtis case as an example of Kal's behavior. My attorney says it will be his pleasure to proceed with a suit or countersuit for when (if) Kal tries anything.

And as for contacting my employer and publishing work details ...well, I am self-employed. Kal, that means I have no employer. Good luck with that one, Kal.

I say - bring on whatever you like, Kal. I will not publicize any details. It will be very quiet and simply disappear. I will enjoy it for myself.

Special Agent Korff Strikes Again

FBI Coming Again huh Kal?
As Kal so often does, he threatens and threatens and threatens.

Now, Special Agent Kal Korff has sent me and my wrong-doings to the FBI.

Has anyone come to haunt me? Ah, no.
Has his Facebook page been yanked off? Ah, no.
Has Kal learned anything? Ah, no.

Nothing has happened, and I don't expect anything to happen.

UPDATE: A fellow Korffer (whose opinions I respect quite a bit) offered me his take on my naming the fellow I had words with on Facebook. In short, I've taken his name down. Also, I'm given some serious reconsideration to how I'm actively campaigning against KKK. (Even more to the point, to who's level am i stooping?)

Kal's (Helplessly Ignorant) Victim #2314
Oh, and by the way, I have to call this guy out. All I can say is, what a douchebag!
He befriended me (Kal) on Facebook and is obviously a HUGE cum-stained fan of KKK. His private messages to me were filled with questions I wouldn't dare repeat or answer.

But, once I posted the first Kult of Kal video on Facebook, Mr. Helplessly Ignorant Victim (HIV for short) #2314 went apeshit.

Here are a few of Mr. HIV's private and public comments to me: (pardon his great spelling)

• "OK SO YOUR NOT KAL!!!! You are just pretending to be thats reel cool!! I don't know who you are and I dont know Kal but I do like his work. I see you are trying to make kal out to be like this bad person but from an outsiders point it looks sort of petty and in the end YOU whoever you are the problem not Kal"
• "O by the way don't try fucking with me pretending your Kal OK!!!!"
• "THIS IS NOT KAL KORFF. dude I don't worship nobody."
• "this guy is going to take down all my posts so people cant reed them he's not Kal"

Okay, that last one was absolutely true. I deleted each of his comments and then politely popped the little weasel off my friends list.

Done Listening - Now I'm Speaking

On Kal's Facebook page, I'm done just "listening" -- that's what I call my info gathering phase (sounds sort of YS3-ish, right?).

Now, I'm beginning to post stuff. I just posted a picture of Kal's brother, Kurtis, on Facebook.

Check it out:




What do you think of my comment? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Michael Horn Speaks!

Wow, what a great letter from Michael Horn: click here to go to it.

My favorite part is the link to this info.

You all know Michael Horn as the guy with whom Kal Korff alleges to have partnered with to produce some double-set of DVDs. Michael clearly sets the record straight -- no, no, no.

It's hilarious to read. I only wish I could see Kal's face when he reads it. I'm sure we'll hear plenty of retort from the King of Shite soon enough.

Anyone want to take any bets on how Kal reacts? I predict 3 options:

1. Kal screams to his public "Michael Horn is a liar!!"
2. Kal replies with "Production may be delayed, due to some covert operations in Korffistan."
3. Kal quietly replies to Michael Horn with "You're a LIAR!!"

Enjoy - keep korffing. Kal Korff is an insane lunatic. "...and you can quote me on that."

Facebook Fun

I told you all that yesterday how I finally accepted all of the Facebook friend requests, right?

Well, it seems all 8 of them believe 100% that I am indeed Kal Korff. That's funny.

But I just revealed myself (kult of kal) to 1 Facebook friend, and the poor slob still believes I'm Kal, even after revealing myself. I guess Facebook can seem trustworthy to some people.

So, I figure if I post our conversation on the blog, he'll get it. Click to expand

Kal Korff - Chubby Li'l Facebook Loser

Taking the hint from FN, I changed the blog's header image.
Priceless. Just fucking priceless.

In other news, you all know I created a Facebook page with this gmail account right?

Well, it seems no less than 8 people have found my Facebook page and wanted to be my "friend." But these people genuinely believe I am Kal Korff. As Kal would say: "Can you believe that, folks?"

Yeah, no less than eight people believe I am actually Kal. One guy sent a friend request, asking if I'd be interested in some work. I would give away more, but just in case Kal monitors this stuff, I won't. I don't want him chasing after his job that's rightfully mine, right? (Or do I have that backwards? Whatever.)

For a long time I only watched as more people sent friend requests. I just accepted all 8 requests this morning. Should be interesting to see where this goes.
I'm posting a screenshot of my Facebook page, but I should edit out who 'befriended' Kal.

Google Wave Invites Released

Last Friday, I offered 8 Google Wave invites to anyone who sent in a picture or video poking some fun at our favorite Kernal Korff. It's Wednesday today, with 2 days left. Results so far: 1 picture.

I hate to sound disillusioned, but it seems our KIAI / KoK community is dead (or extremely sleepy). Or, at least extremely one-sided. What's your take on it?


Not being someone to back away from my word, I went ahead and sent off 5 of my 8 available invites. So, I picked the most active commenters from both blogs.
I did it this way because, with only two days left in this half-assed contest, I've had 1 submission. Yeah, if you ask me, I do think that's sad. (To think I had expected only 4 or 5....damn, even my pessimism wasn't pessimistic enough.)


I sent off invites to the following 5 names (& whose e-mails I have:) Squonkamatic, Jimmy, Brad, Digger and the dude who sent in this Bozo picture:



I would send one to "Anonymous," but I don't have his e-mail....hehe.

Anyway, later, -kult.

p.s. To the dude who sent in the Bozo picture, please know I had to clean coffee off my keyboard.

p.p.s. Anyone who spotted the obscure movie reference in my "dead, or extremely sleepy" quip - a big "AttaBoy" to you! :)

p.p.p.s. Yes, if by Friday I get a 2nd picture or video, of course, I'll be happy to get rid of the remaining 3 invites. And, of course, I highly fucking doubt anyone will send anything, let alone do I believe anyone is actually reading this post. Time to get more coffee.

Google Wave - Making Kal Seasick

Slightly off-topic here...have you ever heard of Google Wave?

If you haven't, I won't scream you must be living under a rock. But, it is a cool innovation by that techno behemoth Google. Imagine a cross between e-mail, instant messaging, and some team collaboration software -- and that's Google Wave. If you're still unsure, well... Google it.

The real meat of the story is, I'm using Google Wave and I was given 8 invitations, or Google Wave invites to pass on to others. Since Kult of Kal is my separate identity from my real life, I won't be spreading these invites to my real life friends (yes, Kal, I have real friends unlike yourself). So, I'm saving all 8 invites to my "Kult of Kal life" friends.

I could say the first 8 requests I get, I'll hand them an invite, but that's no fun.

So, here's the deal:
1. Make a picture or video that's clearly anti-Kal
2. Send your picture or video to me at kultofkal@gmail.com
3. Do this by next Friday, 4 December 2009.
4. I'll post all on the blog (cited anonymously) -- and you all judge the best.


You know what will happen, right? They'll be 4 or 5 people (max) who submit anything ... and that's cool with me. I'm just looking for some input for this blog. ;)

------ Submission updates------

Pictures: 1 Videos: 0

-kult

Flow Chart #3

Kal's brain, we all know, is warped, deluded and malnourished. And above all, it's predictable.

A while ago, I proposed a flowchart of how Kal's brain thinks when he's bored. Seeing how the chubby little loser has no job, no friends and no substantial life to speak of, I'd guess the flowchart represents pretty much all of Kal's time.

Back then, I left out one part, his "blog flowchart".

So, yeah, from the beginning:

Kal's brain, "Charting the Unchartered"

Kal's "Video making decision flowchart"

And finally, I finally got around to doing his "blog flowchart" this weekend. Here it is:

WTF Kal? Martina got your tongue?

Just like Judge Smails said in Caddyshack...

"Well, ...we're waiting!"

Take your time, Kal. Meanwhile, we'll just stand around looking pretty.

Ain't That the Truth?

No commentary. I'll just post this screen capture:

Kal Gets Buzzed ...Again?

Kal recently reposted his 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Well, basically all but shaved off.
It was just last night: "Last Updated on Monday, 05 October 2009 21:18 "

This is pathetically funny for a number of reasons:

1. Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Come on, Kal.
2. Kal's buddy & S3 adjunct Avimi (Avim for short) is manning the camera.
3. After nearly a DECADE in Prague, Kal is unwilling or unable to utter the most basic Czech.
4. Kal translates 30,000 views of this video as... fame.
5. Again, Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut.

You hear a lot of Avimi and see snippets of him in the mirror. Definitely the same guy as in the "cannonball" video (see latter half of Kult video 2)

I'm not sure what else to say about this loser. He's speaking for himself, as in "actions speak louder than words."

How to Monitor Kal (And NOT his Website)

Do you use Google Alerts? I do.

I'll try not to sound like a commercial for Google, but if their product is cool, why not share it, right?


Google Alerts watches Kal for me. I don't visit his site when I don't have to. Instead Google Alerts tells me the moron just posted something new.

Example:

1. Some idiot (Kal, in this case) just posted a new blog entry.
2. The idiot (Kal) uses keywords that I am interested in, e.g. "Kal Korff".
3. Google alerts me that the idiot posted a new blog entry.
4. (Optional) I visit his blog to read more.

So Google Alerts is like having a person watch everything written on the Internet, for whatever you're interested in comes up.


Here's how you can set it up, too.
Visit Google Alerts: http://www.gooogle.com/alerts


Enter in the search terms, i.e. keywords you want Google to monitor for you.
Be mindful you use quotes (easy task for Kal) if you use multiple words. Else, it will ring true even with one word alerted.
Choose "Comprehensive" as the all-of-the-above option.
Select if you want to know immediately or just a daily digest.

And, lastly, - enter your e-mail address where to send alerts.

Now, you'll get an e-mail asking you to verify. Not said, this also protects Google from someone getting pranked by friends, getting unintentional alerts on "the". Once you verify, you'll get alerted with every post. The above example is what I personally have used for a while now.

p. s. Obviously, you can set up many alerts, maybe for your favorite news item, or an author's name, or even your own name. Note: this doesn't tell you when someone is searching for your keywords -- only when someone writes an article/blog/etc with the keywords.

KIAI - We Miss You. I'm Stepping This Up.

To the "Kal Is An Idiot" blog,
We miss you. For over a year, we've had a place to hear you rant and rave about Kal Korff's stupid, banal and facile, ass-clown antics. In return, we fill your comments section, showing support for all you said.
But after several months, you needed a rest. And again, after a year, the ranting got to be too much. Indeed, we realize only Kal himself can spew hate so naturally and persistantly. For Kal alone, it actually gives him energy to hate others, while for us humans it takes our energy away.
(Am I sounding too poetic or too here?)

Kal, you're a fucking moron. A pathetic waste of space, waste of air and a drain on the earth's resources. Your family is far from proud of you and everyone who meets you is repulsed by you.
I personally have met some fine people through KIAI and this effort. But I can't say it's been entirely worthwhile having to become familiar with you to do so. I want to walk away, but I feel some ...duty to stay in.


KIAI, it seems, even after declaring a month's rest, you've decided to rest indefinately. We miss you and we want you back. You've got us getting more and more restless for your work.

KIAI, we're hoping you return any day now. But until you return, I will make a decent effort to close the gap.


Kal, you suck. I'm going to say that often, so you'd better get used to it.