Flow Chart #3

Kal's brain, we all know, is warped, deluded and malnourished. And above all, it's predictable.

A while ago, I proposed a flowchart of how Kal's brain thinks when he's bored. Seeing how the chubby little loser has no job, no friends and no substantial life to speak of, I'd guess the flowchart represents pretty much all of Kal's time.

Back then, I left out one part, his "blog flowchart".

So, yeah, from the beginning:

Kal's brain, "Charting the Unchartered"

Kal's "Video making decision flowchart"

And finally, I finally got around to doing his "blog flowchart" this weekend. Here it is:

WTF Kal? Martina got your tongue?

Just like Judge Smails said in Caddyshack...

"Well, ...we're waiting!"

Take your time, Kal. Meanwhile, we'll just stand around looking pretty.

Ain't That the Truth?

No commentary. I'll just post this screen capture:

Kal Gets Buzzed ...Again?

Kal recently reposted his 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Well, basically all but shaved off.
It was just last night: "Last Updated on Monday, 05 October 2009 21:18 "

This is pathetically funny for a number of reasons:

1. Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut. Come on, Kal.
2. Kal's buddy & S3 adjunct Avimi (Avim for short) is manning the camera.
3. After nearly a DECADE in Prague, Kal is unwilling or unable to utter the most basic Czech.
4. Kal translates 30,000 views of this video as... fame.
5. Again, Kal saw value in reposting a 2-part video of getting his own hair cut.

You hear a lot of Avimi and see snippets of him in the mirror. Definitely the same guy as in the "cannonball" video (see latter half of Kult video 2)

I'm not sure what else to say about this loser. He's speaking for himself, as in "actions speak louder than words."

How to Monitor Kal (And NOT his Website)

Do you use Google Alerts? I do.

I'll try not to sound like a commercial for Google, but if their product is cool, why not share it, right?


Google Alerts watches Kal for me. I don't visit his site when I don't have to. Instead Google Alerts tells me the moron just posted something new.

Example:

1. Some idiot (Kal, in this case) just posted a new blog entry.
2. The idiot (Kal) uses keywords that I am interested in, e.g. "Kal Korff".
3. Google alerts me that the idiot posted a new blog entry.
4. (Optional) I visit his blog to read more.

So Google Alerts is like having a person watch everything written on the Internet, for whatever you're interested in comes up.


Here's how you can set it up, too.
Visit Google Alerts: http://www.gooogle.com/alerts


Enter in the search terms, i.e. keywords you want Google to monitor for you.
Be mindful you use quotes (easy task for Kal) if you use multiple words. Else, it will ring true even with one word alerted.
Choose "Comprehensive" as the all-of-the-above option.
Select if you want to know immediately or just a daily digest.

And, lastly, - enter your e-mail address where to send alerts.

Now, you'll get an e-mail asking you to verify. Not said, this also protects Google from someone getting pranked by friends, getting unintentional alerts on "the". Once you verify, you'll get alerted with every post. The above example is what I personally have used for a while now.

p. s. Obviously, you can set up many alerts, maybe for your favorite news item, or an author's name, or even your own name. Note: this doesn't tell you when someone is searching for your keywords -- only when someone writes an article/blog/etc with the keywords.

KIAI - We Miss You. I'm Stepping This Up.

To the "Kal Is An Idiot" blog,
We miss you. For over a year, we've had a place to hear you rant and rave about Kal Korff's stupid, banal and facile, ass-clown antics. In return, we fill your comments section, showing support for all you said.
But after several months, you needed a rest. And again, after a year, the ranting got to be too much. Indeed, we realize only Kal himself can spew hate so naturally and persistantly. For Kal alone, it actually gives him energy to hate others, while for us humans it takes our energy away.
(Am I sounding too poetic or too here?)

Kal, you're a fucking moron. A pathetic waste of space, waste of air and a drain on the earth's resources. Your family is far from proud of you and everyone who meets you is repulsed by you.
I personally have met some fine people through KIAI and this effort. But I can't say it's been entirely worthwhile having to become familiar with you to do so. I want to walk away, but I feel some ...duty to stay in.


KIAI, it seems, even after declaring a month's rest, you've decided to rest indefinately. We miss you and we want you back. You've got us getting more and more restless for your work.

KIAI, we're hoping you return any day now. But until you return, I will make a decent effort to close the gap.


Kal, you suck. I'm going to say that often, so you'd better get used to it.

Poll Results (How do you know Kal?)

I had a poll up for about two months; the poll closed a week ago. Got 20 responses.
Granted this isn't a popular site, but I'd bet the distribution is right, even at this micro-scale.

My question was this: Where did you first experience Kal?

And here are the results:
Prague ---------------- 25%
Seattle ---------------- 0%
Oregon ---------------- 5%
Kal's Kalifornia days --- 5%
Kal's UFO efforts ------ 65%
Kal childhood (ick!) ---- 0%

There you have it - with the exception of 2 people, 90% of people heard of Kal from his UFO debunker efforts or his wasted decade in Prague.

Kal...let me spell this out for you. No one paid attention to your LLNL lies. No paid attention to your JFK lies. Some people are still bitter about your bullshit English column in the now defunct "Express" paper. But most people know of you because of your UFO ("it's so great, it's in paperback") book.

You suck. If you want to return to stardom (HAHAHAHAHAHA), then consider returning to Switzerland. Hey, maybe you co-produce a DVD with ...oh, wait, nevermind - Mikey Horn already responded "Ahh, no."

Making Contact with his Contacts

So, some insight into what I've been up to.
At the beginning of September (after a month of "radio silence" on KIAI), I started contacting people who were subscribed to Kal's youtube channel. (No, I don't mind Kal knowing this fact).

I told them I'm fascinated by people actually interested in Kal.
I ask how and why. I want to know more about his "base."

Surprisingly to me, people responded.
I'm learning, a lot of people are just curious, subscribing haphazardly to something that interests them with little motivation to unsubscribe once they satisfy their curiosity.

Until now.

In general, people wrote back with:"I don't know...he's strange."
Or "he confuses me..."
Or "I subscribed to Kal Korfs channel because I didn´t undestand his videos and I wanted to find out more."

But the best response: people are unsubscribing.
Yeah, his numbers are fewer now. And I figure if I do this again (and if others, too), then more of his friends/subscribers are likely to drop from his channel rather than risk being questionned for it.

I just had to share that. :-)
-- especially with you, Kal.

Spurious World of Korff

We all know about the "famous" court battle: Kurtis Kern Korff v. Rest of the World.

In case not, here it is in a nutshell:

Case Summary

Office: Medford	Filed: 02/25/2008
Jury Demand: Defendant	Demand: $3000000
Nature of Suit: 440	Cause: 42:1983 Civil Rights Act
Jurisdiction: Federal Question	Disposition: Dismissed - Voluntarily
County: Josephine	Terminated: 08/17/2009
Court Documents

A fellow Korffer told how it's possible to sign up online and pay to view the court documents.

So I did. Click HERE to download documents I downloaded.

Here's the full timetable of all documents available. In yellow are the ones I've downloaded to date:

1:08-cv-03018-CL Korff v. Geiger et al
Mark D. Clarke, presiding
Date filed: 02/25/2008
Date terminated: 08/17/2009
Date of last filing: 08/17/2009

Filer Kurtis Kern Korff

Doc. No.	Event Name	Filed
1	Complaint	02/25/2008
3	Motion to Withdraw	05/12/2008
8	Motion to Appoint Counsel	08/04/2008
10	Motion for Extension of Time	10/09/2008
12	Motion for Extension of Time	11/14/2008
15	Response to Order to Appointing Pro Bono Counsel - Review Complete	01/07/2009
18	Application for leave to proceed ifp	04/20/2009
19	Amended Complaint (ZIP file) (added Josephine Co Sheriff Dept)	04/27/2009
21	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
22	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
23	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
24	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
25	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
26	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
27	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
28	Summons Returned Executed	05/01/2009
41	Motion for Summary Judgment	06/10/2009
42	Certificate of Service	06/11/2009
43	Exhibits (no hyperlink)	06/11/2009
47	Motion for Extension of Time	06/19/2009
48	Certificate of Service	06/19/2009
54	Response to Motion	06/30/2009
56	Certificate of Service	07/10/2009
60	Motion to compel	07/14/2009
61	Response to Motion	07/15/2009
64	Motion to Dismiss	07/30/2009
65	Certificate of Service	07/30/2009

Where in the World is Kal an Idiot?

Question: Where is Kal an idiot?

Answer: Everywhere

While sightseeing on vacation last week, I got this idea. I scribbled a quick note, held it up against a famous landmark and snapped a picture. It still cracks me up to look at this picture.

I'm hoping to motivate a bunch of my fellow Korffers to do the same. Though I live in Prague, I'm leaving our beautiful city for someone else to do.

Simple rules:

1. One picture per city or famous location. (or even not famous like Grants Pass, OR)

2. Stay anonymous; no supermodels. (I don't want to help Kal enact revenge)

3. Genuine pictures only; no "photoshopping"

Submit your shot to me at kultofkal@gmail.com and I'll post it here.