Kal's Flowchart for Making Videos

Continuing from the last post, I think I diagramed how Kal comes to making his videos. Enjoy.

Charting the Unchartered

Like many others, I'm sure, I'm seeing patterns in Kal's thinking.

It occurred to me "Maybe I should draft a diagram of what I believe is Kal's thinking process?"

So, I did. (click on picture to expand)

Oh, and it's only part 1 of ...well, a couple parts (who know how far this could go?

Enjoy.

KoK Site Changes

All,

A few days ago, I realized I'm getting bored with Kal's banal ranting: "Blah, Kimball's little gray men, Don Ecker threatened me, Randle is a real Colonel, Royce has a Hall of Fame, blah-blah-blah."

Well, to re-Kal-cify myself, I gave the website a shot in the arm.

Specifically, I made the following changes:

• Blog header's byline to honour the David Bowie tribute
• I added a bit of advertising (no one patroned the Kal store, but I have "make a penny" from this effort as a personal goal)
• A search function for parsing the blog's posts

I also added a poll - "Where did you first experience Kal?". Please chime in - it's more interesting to learn more about our group.

Naturally, I do this for my fellow Korffers, who I also suspect are growing tired with Kal.

I laugh how I still enjoy decent anonymity. Only Paul Kimball knows my real name and face since his visit to Prague. Luckily, I'm not as famous as Paul, so I have little to lose (except Kal's vengeful childplay).

Anti-Korffers are Loyal and Strong

Got a recent message from a loyal visitor (prior mystery solved, by the way) and long-time "Korffer."

I am surprised once again by how great a crowd we all are. Kudos to Kal for being such a personality that he can unite a crowd and energize them. Unfortunately for Kal, he's only capable at doing that as long as the crowd is against him.

In case anyone calls me on deleting the prior post, it was at the kind request of one of 'us.' My sincere apologies for, essentially turning the tables, causing unrest on the mystery visitor's side.

As I sit here before you, I am humbled by how cool a crowd we are, single-minded and united against a lone dimwit - Kal Korff. Banal and facile, a fat waste of space.

-kult of kal

Developing...

On Kernel Korff's blog, I counted 13 times (yes, that's thirteen) that Kal finalizes his post with the word "Developing..."

And not once, does it finally develop.

See a pattern here?

(click to expand graphic to read dates)

"Banal and Facile, a Fat Waste of Space"

On the KIAI blog, esteemed Korffer "Brit_in_Prague" posted this video.



What does it have to do with Kal? If you're asking, you haven't watched it yet.
Ricky Gervis' character is Kal (at least for this episode anyway).

The lyrics are priceless. Okay, I'll admit, I looked up the definitions for both "banal" and "facile" in the dictionary. But that only makes me laugh louder now when I watch it.

Just in the remote chance you want to double-check your understanding, here you are:
banal: boringly commonplace and predictable
facile: lacking depth; taking little effort; lazy


I have to seriously wonder if Brit_in_Prague isn't on the production staff of Extras, the song just suits Kal that well. Nice find, Brit -thanks!

Kal's Attempts to Smear; Only Smears Self

Usually I write or create things to make fun of Kal. But this time, Kal did my job for me.
It's pretty bad when Kal tries to make someone look like an ass, but only makes himself the ass.

In this case, Kal made a mockumentary video of esteemed korffer Paul Kimball.
And here it is...



Nice work, Kal. Thanks again for being yourself.

Kal's Claims Revisited

Time has come to collect and provide an up-to-date list of Kal's claims.

The majority of these are patently false. Others - greatly exaggerated versions of the truth. Wherever there was a ounce of truth, it has since been made moot by Kal himself.

In red italics, I provide you that truth.

• Solved John F. Kennedy's assassination (Grossly opininated retelling of others' work)
• Signed a 500 book deal (Still undisclosed publisher, unknown timeframe -false)
• Developed A-bomb design at grade school science fair, prompting clandestine govt visit (Grossly exaggerated, no proof of visit)
• Invented hypertext (a.k.a. clickable Internet links ) while "an engineer at Apple" (No formal schooling in engineering; Kal as temp contractor to Apple was aware of similar project -false)
• Worked on anti-missile Star Wars project while working for Law. Livermore Nat'l Labs (contractor for LLNL as low-level desktop support - false)
• Converted to Judiaism (No blood link. By simple declaration. No observation of Torah or principles -false)
• Recruited to "Special Secret Services," a military like covert organization (self-created 1-man "org")
• Once a Captain, now promoted to Colonel in above Special Secret Services (It's his imaginative organization, so...)
• "Official" complaint against Royce Meyers filed (Meyers confirmed no such complaint received -false)
• $25,000,000 budget ($25 million) funded by Saudi Arabia (other "fund-raising activities" suggests No - false)
• KPMG audit against Kevin Randle (Randle confirms no audit -false)
• BBC interview about missile defense (No interview recorded, broadcast or archived -false)
• Debate on X-Zone against Kevin Randle (called off by KK; still postponed)
• Numerous lawsuits filed, criminal charges pressed (none with recent exception re: felonious brother)
• 10,000 English phrases (stopped effort at 15 phrases)
• TV deal (nope unless you count YouTube -false)
• Newly syndicated column (a text table column on own website -false)
• "Body Human Project" (not even started -false)
• Possesses WMD proof which embarrasses the CIA and inspection chief Scott Ritter (Ask Scott Ritter. Else... - false)
• OJ Simpson testimony (even Kal has since backpedaled on this one -false)
• Reality TV show (see above YouTube comment -false)
• Lectures to Israelis (no - false)
• Interviews with the media (exaggeration made on countless occasions)
• Chief Tech Officer position with Agentura Pro Vas (APV confirmed no such position offered -false)
• Exclusive deal with MacZone (and as a result, Kal wanted for theft)
• Possesses "nanobots", serially numbered for counter-surveillance use" (come on.... -false)

There you have it - Kal's claims. And a well-established pattern of bullshit tripe.

Google - ranking Kal as an Idiot

When you search Kal Korff on Google, the website of websites "Kal Korff Is An IDIOT" is on page one.
And not just on the 1st page of thousands of hits. But KIAI ranks as hit #2!!

Try It yourself.

Google's exact algorithm for ranking pages is a closely-guarded secret, because there's big money to be made by manipulating it.
Still, a website's popularity is generally understood to be:

• how many other sites link to it
• how often the searched words are used in texts and links
• how true the text is

Okay, I made up the last one, but in this case, I'm given it fair consideration. Kal really is an idiot.

The website "Kal Korff Is An IDIOT," at only 1 year old, has become the definitive source, the go-to place for news and commentary about Kal Korff.

Want to know what Kal's up to (or what he thinks he's up to)? - KIAI is your source.

Want to know what others have dug up about Kal? KIAI is your source.

There are many people in the world lucky enough to not know about Kal already. But if someone becomes curious, they will likely use Google. If they do, here's what they'll get:

Google Tells You Kal Korff is an Idiot
Ever use iGoogle? With iGoogle, when searching, Google will guess (based on popularity of searches) what you might be searching for. In Kal's case, Google will tell you Kal's an idiot just when you type in his name (in iGoogle).

See, when you search, words are automatically filled in for you:

My Soon-To-Be Hero: Paul Kimball

We are now only days (dare I say, hours?) away from Paul Kimball's film "Worlds Away" to be released to the public.

"Worlds Away" is a documentary about our loner hero Kal Korff. A colleague of Paul's, John Ritchie had the honour to preview it at an advance screening. John has these words to say about it: "It's quite similar to Errol Morris' classic documentary Mr. Death, in that in paints a portrait of a man - Kal Korff - who was once a 'someone' but who got lost in his own madness along the way, and now exists in a sad world of lies and delusions, a world mostly of his own making. "

What really piques my interest about the film is that Paul managed to film Kal here in Prague, without our own special secret services agent knowing about it.

Paul went so far as to win over one of Kal's own "insiders", getting first hand accounts and footage of Kal.

Hours.....I am besides myself with anticipation ("I f*cking can't wait!")